Isn't nature just the best thing? Especially when enjoyed indoors. Flowers from the garden, a doggy curled up on your lap...really makes you feel alive, doesn't it?
Speaking of feeling alive, the sound of a bird scratching and pecking itself into a featherless, shitting mess inside your walls first thing in the morning will also make you feel alive. At least that's how it made your dear ol' Sweet Tea feel when it woke me up this morning.
You'll recall that this isn't the first time a bird has made its way into Sweet Tea's house (affectionately known to the fam as Auntie's B&B). To be honest, it's not even the second. By the second time it happened, I was able to react with the tiger-like reflexes of a jungle cat and release the bird back into the wild without a shit-stain anywhere. No, tender bleaders, this is the third time a bird has taken sweet refuge in Auntie's B&B. The other two times, though, the birds came through a fireplace, so they were out in the open and just needed an open window.
This time, a bird was clearly trapped in the wall. You could make out the batting of wings. It was in the laundry area, behind the dryer.
We discussed what to do. We could call Critter Control or we could try to get it out ourselves.
Fortunately, managing Lucille was not an issue. When it comes to birds in the park or birds in the backyard, she's the toughest dog you ever saw, barking her furry little ass off, letting the birds know what's what. But--just like the first time a bird came through the fireplace--Lucy was happy to stand by and let the humans of her pack handle this:
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| "Y'all can handle this one. My will get the next one." |
David hacked into the wall behind the dryer and peeked into the hole with a flashlight. He then said the most frightening words I've ever heard him say: "It may be a bat." SHIT.
Then we got a genius idea. He cut another hole and I got a bag. David taped the bag over the hole with painter's tape and said, like a cop on a stakeout, "Now we wait." Prepare yourselves for the most glamorous thing you'll see today:
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| Not trying to intimidate anyone with the glamour here. This really is the gorgeousness of my life. |
So we waited. And then we heard a rustling. And then David started to get close to the bag. And then I held Lucy to keep her from running or making any noise. And then it started flapping its wings. And then...I'm not saying "like a little girl" or anything, but then...David shouted, "@$%*! It's a bird!"
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| Here's the bird as it flew up to the window. David's coming at it with the bag--an excellent advertisement for reduce, reuse, recycle if I've ever seen one. I'm working on my documentary. |
Every time David would manage to get the bag over the bird it would slip out.
I decided to get involved. I put a glove over one hand and a Walgreens bag over the other. (I know, the glitz in this story just keeps getting better and better. Sorry, kids, but some of us really are living the life.) The bird was pretty worn out, so it let me pick it up and put it in the bag.
David closed up the top of the bag and we all headed downstairs to release it. By now, of course, Lucy was barking her little ass off like a ferocious beast, thirsty for blood.
Once free, though, the bird flew right out of the bag and up into a tree:
If you're wondering whether the bird was indeed scared shitless, wonder no more:
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| If you've never spent your Sunday morning photographing bird shit inside a shopping bag, you haven't really lived, folks. |
Also, if you're wondering how the bird got in the house in the first place, wonder no more:
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| You can see in the fourth picture how the houses in this neighborhood have flat roofs. I took this picture on the third floor, hanging over the edge. It's actually upside down. You're welcome. |
Further, if you're wondering what that opening should look like, wonder no more:
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| This one is on the opposite side of the house. |
Until next time, kids!
