Shih Tzus Don't Dry Well

My patient little poodles--

You won't believe what you're about to read. It's a word-for-word transcription of a voicemail, and it's just too rich, too random, too friggen perfect to believe. But it's real.

Here: let me earn your trust.

FACT 1: By an incredibly fortunate stroke of good luck, some dear friends--Bob and Sally (names changed to protect the innocent--are moving to St. Louis. They are the cutest couple you've ever seen. Witness:

See? Couple o' cutie pies. You can believe me when I tell you stuff.

FACT 2: When Bob and Sally came on a househunting trip to St. Louis, they had to leave the two most adorable Shih Tzu pups you've ever seen--Oscar and Coots--in the care of their realtor (they are selling their house out east). Witness:

See? The cute factor is off the charts in their household. You can believe me when I tell you stuff.

So believe me when I tell you this. While Bob and Sally were in St. Louis, their realtor/doggy sitter went over to their house to walk the dogs before showing their house to an interested party. When she called Bob and Sally to give them an update...she left this message. Believe me, every word of it's true (this is unedited, but I've separated it here and there to help you follow...you're welcome):

Hey, Sally...it's me...it’s uh…too much info to text...

Showing went very well ..it’s...uh...pourin' down rain...got there quarter to six...ummm...took the dogs for a walk...went around the corner and ummm...

One of your neighbors...elderly people...ran a car into the front of the house through the siding..out through the neighbors'...fire trucks,  police officers, blah blah blah...

So all the neighbors are out, uh, talking to this couple, and one neighbor says, “Oh, I’m getting ready to sell my house on Palace Landing but I have an asshole agent and my asshole agent happens to be  my brother-in-law.” Then she asked, “Which office are you with?” and I said, “Well, I’m with the Springfield office,” and she said, “Well, the bitch there stole my husband and he left me for her and…" blah blah blah…

Needless to say…the dogs were soaking wet...I went upstairs, got a towel, probably spent...I don’t know? 15 minutes? Drying them off...‘cause Shih-Tzus don’t dry well...and they looooove to be rubbed down…so that was all good. 

The, uh, guy that saw the house tonight is gonna bring his wife back tomorrow at 7:30, so I’ll go back to the house at 9:15...turn all the lights on and get everything ready from there. 

So...pretty eventful...we were there for quite a while, and I hope you found something there and you like St. Louis…your dogs are hysterical and I got kisses from both of them. BOTH OF THEM!

*Click*

If you don't find that amusing, then--forgive me, but--you don't deserve to laugh. You probably won't think this is funny, either:

Until next time.