Signs

Patient readers--

Feel like a story?

Back in the day, when my sister and I were just little sips of sweet tea, I heard of some disease that causes people to read everything out loud, and I quickly decided that this was the affliction for me (obvs, this was long before I learned of the glamour of Tourettes).

My poor mother and sister. I read everything. out. loud. The backs of cereal boxes, every single word in The Horse Trader, every single sign on the road.

We would be driving down the road and I'd be reading away: "McDonald's. Billions and billions served. Time and temperature: 3:46 pm. 85 degrees. Fred's Fish: serving the best fish and hushpuppies in Arkansas."

My sister would say, "Mooooooooooommmmmmm...make her stop!"

I would stop reading just long enough to say, "I can't help it! I have a disease! Boys' junior varsity basketball--7 pm. Spaghetti Dinner on Saturday."

And our poor mother would say, "GIRLS. Shut up, the both of you!"

ANYWAY. I've since outgrown my disease, but some signs really do make me nostalgic for my former affliction.

From a shitty Pizza Hut bathroom:

And. The greatest sign. Ever. I stole this and now it hangs over my bed: