We Got Spirit, Yes We Do!

Satisfied kittens--

Did you go to college? How awesome. I think it's great--I really do.

Wanna know what else I think? I think that college is a great foundation on which to build your life. It's a good starting point. It's good to have before you get on with whatever you want in life.

But eventually...you should indeed get on. Because, if you don't, then you just start to look desperate.

I fail to see how people who never move on from high school become the butt of jokes, while people who never move on from the glory days of college are seen as spirited and loyal.

Don't think I don't get it. I get that you used to categorize drinking games by buzz level. I get that you used to be in the best shape of your life without even trying. I get that you used to get more ass than a toilet seat.

But guess what? Now you work for The Man. Now you take orders. Now you drive a minivan. Now you work your ass off for a promotion that will put you just far enough into the next tax bracket that you'll actually take home less than you did before.

And maybe you're resentful of all this. Maybe it's that resentment that causes you to reminisce so fondly of your college days. With each reminiscence, you'll get a little cooler, a little more bad-ass, a little more well-hung, a little more "I was the man."

I call bullshit. Shenanigans. I don't care how much mommy and daddy you paid for that degree that hangs in your home office or catches dust in your garage--you need to get over it.

Congratulations, dick. Now move on.

We're all proud of you, buddy.