Sweet tea, please: $250 Deliciousness

Tender little chocolate-covered dearies--

Here's your second cookie post of the week. Hell, it's the second Neiman Marcus post of the week. Forgive. I don't want you bitter kittens to get bored, but--what can I say?--it's what I've been up to.

Have you ever heard the internet story of ol' girl who had a cookie at the "cafe" in Neiman Marcus, loved it, asked for the recipe, was told that it cost "two-fifty," and then ended up paying $250 for it when she expected to pay $2.50? The story goes that she was so pissed that she raped the forward button on her email, sending the recipe to everyone she had ever ~~boned~~ known, because she wanted to make sure that Neiman Marcus never sold another copy of this shit.

First of all, how stupid was this woman? Doesn't she know that it costs $500 and your firstborn just to inhale a single whiff of the pretension-soaked air in that ivory tower?

And second of all, you know I made these cookies. I tend to distrust "$250 cookie" stories, but still. And, although they were good, I thought they needed some tinkering. NOW they're DELICIOUS (men have requested this recipe, kittens). Easily worth $250. Or more. Hell, they're priceless. And here's my recipe...for free.

Oatmeal/Chocolate Cookies

1 3/4 cups old-fashioned rolled oats
1 cup all-purpose flour
3/4 tsp. baking powder
1/2 tsp. baking soda
1/2 tsp. salt
10 Tbsp. butter, softened
1 cup packed light brown sugar
1 large egg
1 tsp. vanilla extract
heaping 1/2 cup chocolate chips, melted and cooled
1 cup chocolate chips
1 cup chopped nuts

Using food processor or blender, process 1 cup of the oats until dusty. Whisk in a bowl with flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.

Using mixer, cream butter and brown sugar until well blended, about 1 minute. Add egg and vanilla, beating until light and fluffy, about 30 seconds. Scrape down bowl and beat in melted chocolate until incorporated, about 20 seconds. Add flour mixture and beat in until just incorporated. Add remaining oats and other ingredients, mixing on low, just until evenly distributed.

Using small ice cream scoop or tablespoon, scoop into rounded balls. Bake on a parchment- or foil-lined baking sheet at 350 for about 10 minutes, until cookies are cracked on top, but look moist within cracks. Every oven is different, so just keep an eye on them. DO NOT OVERBAKE. Overbaked cookies piss me off. What a waste.

You can also make these now and save them for later. After scooping into rounded balls, keep them in a ziploc bag in the fridge and bake however many you want at a time. Or eat them raw. See if I care.

For fun, here's some more Neiman Marcus bullshit (none of this is a joke or an exxageration):

You can buy this "No-Heel Crystal Studded Sandal" for $2140, or you can just spray paint a pair of your shoes aqua blue, hack off the heels, and let your kindergartener bedazzle them, unsupervised:

You can pick up a "Cashmere Cape" at the Salvation Army for $2 (half off on Thursdays! yay!), or you can pay $4695 for this one at Neimmie's:

Consumer Reports gave its highest rating to a face cream that will set you back $20 at the drugstore, but NM salesgirls will throw you a HARD bitchface if you don't buy their La Prairie Cellular Cream Platinum that was rated "ineffective" by Consumer Reports for $1000.