Wait, Wait! I Can Explain!

Bitter kittens,

I got it. You're angry. I was supposed to return to posting yesterday, and I left you HIGH AND DRY. Damn! A couple of you have demanded a very specific apology, so here you go:

For the rest of you: let me explain. I have an excuse, and it's a GOOD ONE, y'all.

I met the man of my weekend dreams. Because you can't fit I'VE GOT PIERCINGS, A SOUL PATCH, AND NO JOB TO DISTRACT ME FROM YOU, ME, AND OUR SEXY TIMES TOGETHER on a license plate, he has this: "ART C FOX":

I pulled up next to him and started licking the window. (Joke's on him if he thinks he's the first guy I've picked up with that sexy little maneuver.) We pulled into the Piggly Wiggly and picked up some necessities (red wine and condoms) for a romantic dinner at home.

Things got a little, uh, pasty hairy when we bumped into my ex-boyfriend. ARTSY FOX was a wee bit jealous of my ex's insanely ripped physique (as my ex stood there ripping the manager a new one because chicken livers were advertised as $1.79/lb and he'd be damned if he was going to pay $2.09!):

But in the end, I brought ARTSY FOX home and threw him down and showed him what was what. ALL WEEKEND. And what a weekend it was.

Anyhow, ARTSY FOX wore me out and I totally forgot to reset my "publish" button on Sweet Tea, so I hope you're satisfied now with my explanation. I mean, what are you, my dad? Sheesh.

And, hey: if any of y'all see ARTSY FOX, you don't have to tell him to call me, but can you see if my panties are under the front seat? That was my favorite pair.

Thanks, kids!