How to Win at Parenting

Poodles--

This past weekend, I was discussing the notion of children with a customer friend of mine. Fun fact: did you know that a spike in birth rates in any given area is almost always followed by a spike in tubal ligations and vasectomies? *

Anyway, my friend emphasized that, while some children seem to be nothing more than walking, talking, screaming, crying, temper-tantrum-throwing advertisements for birth control...

...nothing makes up for the influence of parents.

Here's a little smattering of mad parenting skillz I've recently encountered.

Check out this low-maintenance girl:

Awww, look--BLINGRL hearts her chihuahua and her Escalade. And, apparently, her 5-inch stiletto heels. At the Lowe's. On a weekend. With her kid.

And have a look at these mini-me chirruns, complete with matching 'do rags and leather jackets:

And here we have some parents who will pass on the gift of humility to their children. Their children will know how to be gracious, humanity-minded, and humble. Or, you know, whatever means exactly the opposite of those things:

GR8 MOMY

GR8T MOM

HOT MAMA

The thing is, I thought that compliments on your super-awesome parenting were supposed to be received from other people, not announced to the world on the ass end of your car. But whatever works. Sheesh.

*That little fun fact? It's technically bullshit IF you consider the fact that I just made it up off the top of my head. It's my blog, so sue me. Still, I feel confident that if I'd had the time or inclination to wiki that shit, then SOMEWHERE I could've found a correlation between high birth rates and permanent birth control.

In any case, if you're coming to this blog for things such as well-checked facts and responsible reporting, please make an appointment to get yourself snipped or tied ASAP, because you're really pissing in the gene pool, man.