Douche Fumes

Suffocating kittens--

Open the windows! Turn on the fans! Get some air moving in this place--the douche fumes are killing us!

Check out this hot piece. When this dick cut me off in a merge lane on the way home one night from a very important meeting with a "client," I saw his douchey license plate and knew I had to get a picture. But this was no ordinary douche...he was a slippery bastard...ELUSIVE DOUCHE!

He went screaming into a shopping center on two wheels, ran a stop sign, blew by a pedestrian, and then screeched to a halt right in front of a LIQUOR STORE before turning on his hazard lights and running in. DOOOOOOOUUUUUUUCCCCCCHHHHHHEEEE!!!!

And how about this dick? You just know this is a two-inch hero who wears his shirt unbuttoned and talks about his high rate of closure, if I ain't bein' too subtle:

Watch out, ladies--after leaving you disappointed, this douche will call you by the wrong name, smack you on the ass, and ask if you'd mind using the fire escape to leave, seeing as how his girlfriend is on her way over and she will cut you with a hot razor if she catches you at his place.

Now here's one. Douchey McMegaDouche here will take your lunch money and bang your girl.

He works an entry-level job and gets coffee for The Man, but his conversations will revolve around how he "bangs bitches" at "his place" before sending them on their way with "nuttin' but a smile." What he won't tell you is that he's got a pocket full o' roofies and he lives with mommy and daddy and that his fancy car is overcompensation for his....look, ladies, he's a douche.

And lest you think I'm going all sexist on y'all's hot asses, behold the She-Douche:

Easy to spot--fake hair, fake nails, fake rack, fake handbag--ol' girl will tell you that she is a princess and she deserves to be treated like one. Ask her of which country her father is king, and she'll look at you with a gaze as empty as her brain.

I know that it's your natural inclination to run the other way when the scent of Eau de Douche hangs heavy in the air, but keep those cameras close, kittens, and follow that scent!

Thanks to Nikolas for YNVME!