Heyyyyyy, Pretty Girrrrrrrrrrl!

Men can be such assholes. Why, just this evening, I was out taking Lucy for her evening walk where she is supposed to handle two items of business: Number One and Number Two, if I ain't being too subtle. So there I was, walking down the road with Lucy, and some dipshit driving by gives me a honk and a wave. Jesus H.

I mean, I was following behind my little white fluffy dog--HAND INSIDE A SHIT PICK-UP BAG, ready to pick up Lucy's steaming hot dump at a moment's notice--and this dick honks at me. I gave him the ol' Northern Virginia howdy with my middle finger, but it was, sadly, hidden by the aforementioned shit pick-up bag. (And I'm sure there's a more technical term than shit pick-up bag, but I'm not bothering to find out what it is. I think you get the point.) Not that I wasn't working the living SHIT out of that shit pick-up bag! You know I totally was!

And all the gays say, "Ooooooooooooooh! WERQ it, guuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrlllllllll!!!" Where my 'mos at???

And another thing: Lucy was on a mission. If she doesn't focus like a goddamn laser, we'll be out there forever. Dick's honk totally broke her concentration. Lucy is many things. She's a 10-pound beast of superlatives: cutest, sweetest, funniest, shnuggliest, most adorable, most loveable pup you ever did meet. She is also--and I say this with love and no judgment whatsoever--the dumbest little dog in all the wide world. I mean, she's been known to lose concentration over a gust of wind, for God's sakes. The last thing she needs is some dick in an '88 Nissan Sentra honking at us from the road when she's trying to do Big Business.

Damn.