"My ass spread just reading that."

That's what Melissa said when she encountered the words "Fresh Apple Cake with Brown Sugar Glaze." And it's true. But totally worth it. I had never made this cake before, but I went digging through my cookbooks in anticipation of a Columbus Day apple-picking trip, and I chose this cake because 1) I had a buttload of apples, and 2) this cookbook has never produced anything but food-gasms. 

It's not a fancy-looking cake; it's downright humble-looking, in fact. (I prefer humble over fancy in almost all matters, anyhow, including cake.) But it is INSANELY delicious--a great cake for fall--and it's made in a 9x13" pan, so it's easily transportable. And my pan has an oh-so-sexy plastic fitted cover (not pictured, obvs). Try to contain yourself. 

I know what you're thinking and, yes, I do have too much time and I don't know when to stop with the cutesy shit, which is why I stuck the name of the cake into an apple stem. Love me, love my quirks.

So here's the recipe, in case you'd like to make it for the fam. It's from Southern Cakes by Nancie McDermott.

Fresh Apple Cake with Brown Sugar Glaze

For the cake 

• 3 cups all-purpose flour
• 2 cups sugar
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 3 eggs
• 1 1/2 cups vegetable oil
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 3 cups finely chopped apples (next time I will use a box grater)
• 1 cup coarsely chopped walnuts or pecans

For the glaze

• 1 cup lightly packed light brown sugar (I used dark; it's all I had)
• 1/3 cup butter
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 2 tablespoons evaporated milk, half-and-half, or cream (I used cream)

Heat the oven to 350. Grease and flour a 13x9 pan. In a medium bowl, combine the flour, sugar, baking soda, and salt, and whisk together to sift and mix.

In a large bowl, beat the eggs until pale yellow and foamy. Add the oil and vanilla, beating well. Stir in the flour mixture just until the flour disappears. Add the apples and nuts, mixing until fairly uniform. Scrape the batter into the prepared pan.

Bake at 350 for 45-50 minutes, until done. Place it on a wire rack or folded kitchen towel.

Make the glaze while the cake is hot. Combine all the ingredients in a saucepan. Cook over medium heat, stirring often, until the mixture comes to a gentle boil, and cook for 3-5 minutes.

Spoon the glaze over the hot cake. Let the cake cool completely and serve straight from the pan.

(I should note that I'm not the icing fiend most people are. Just as I was eating a piece of cake and thinking that I could totally do without the brown sugar glaze, the fifth person from my office approached me and raved about it: "IT'S MY FAVORITE!!!" To each his own, I guess.)

Enjoy, lardass. ;)