Navy's Secret Weapon

Well, kids, it looks like Navy beat Army this past weekend in their annual match-up. Again.

Don't you think it's about time we threw down and called Navy on what they're doing? Give it up, Navy--we know all about your dirty little secret weapon:

Oh, ha ha. Relax. That's just a little friendly inter-service rivalry there, kids. Totally harmless. I don't really know enough about the Navy to talk any shit, but it does seem that every time I try to say something good about them, someone shoots my good thoughts down.

Example 1: Way back in the day, I was at Fort Huachuca, Arizona (all the services were there--I was Army, obvs), and this Navy guy asked me out. Tim. I thought he was cute. I said yes. As I was getting ready to go out with him, my roommate, Andrea, said, "Oh, yeah. I know that guy. He has shifty eyes." Shifty fucking eyes. I hadn't even noticed. But we went out and I swear to God, the only thing I could see were his eyes shift, shift, shifting all over the damn place. The end. Well, I mean, yeah, I let him hit it, but only from the back because there was no way I was going to be looking at those shifty eyes the whole time. Come on. I'm a girl with some class--give me some credit.

Example 2: My buddy Alan (retired Marine and Sweet Tea bleader) and I were discussing the different uniforms of the services a couple of years ago. I confessed that I LOVED the Navy dress uniform, blindingly white with creases so sharp you could cut yourself. And, just as Andrea had cut down my high Navy hopes years earlier with her shifty eyes comment, Alan also dashed any Navy love I had when he said, "Oh, you mean the ice cream salesman uniform." Now, of course, I see an ice cream salesman when I see Navy whites. Real nice, Alan--thanks for that, man.

And here's one final inter-service rivalry tidbit for you: