Pasta Night

Exhausted little bunnies,

Are you beat from a long week of work? Does the thought of heading out make you want to claw your own eyes out? Do you both mock and pity all the pathetic losers who think that Friday night is the night to head out and party? Do you think that being social is more overrated than a luxury handbag? Cock right. Finally, a peer.

Listen, if it's Friday night, then that can mean only one thing at Casa de Lucy & Emily: Pasta Night!

Here's how we do it (even easier when using dried or fresh pasta from the store):

1. Walk in the door, worn out as all hell. Pour yourself a glass of wine. Take Lucy for Walk of Glamour, knowing that the full little shit pick-up bag in your hand only accentuates how the week has taken a toll on you.

2. Wash hands. Have some wine. Make pasta. (SUPER SECRET RECIPE ALERT: Put two cups of flour and three eggs in a food processor. Whirrrrrrrrrrrr. Roll into a ball and put it in the refrigerator so it can rest for a few minutes.)

(This is about 1/6th of a whole recipe, just before being rolled out.)

3. Go upstairs with your wine and change clothes (sweats are the mandatory uniform for Pasta Night). You look like hell, so try to avoid the mirror. It's the end of the week. Be kind to yourself. Have another glass of wine.

4. Freshen your glass of wine. Put some water on to boil. Sip some wine. Roll pasta.

Have another sip. Cut pasta.

Go on, sip. Toss pasta in flour so it doesn't stick.

You know what to do--sip. If you're going to make a sauce, now's the time. And don't forget to sip.

5. While the pasta boils, set up your command center on the couch (no civilized eating at the table on Pasta Night). Make sure the wine bottle, your phone, the tv remote, and anything else you need are all within reach. Get your big fluffy tv-watching blanket out--you're gonna be here a while. Set up your movie, DVR, or whatever.

6. Hey, you friggen lush--your pasta is cock ready. Go ahead and get one more big swig and then do whatever needs to be done to your pasta: add your sauce or just use butter and parsely. It really doesn't matter--anything will do just fine. I ended up making a shrimp scampi because it is so easy and it can be done in the time it takes the water to boil (Plus, I had some shrimp in the freezer and a lemon on the counter that needed to be used. Wasted food pisses me off more than stupid cock license plates, if you can believe it.).

7. Stagger on over to the couch and snuggle up with your bowl of pasta, your glass of wine, your fluffy little doggy, and an episode of "Bewitched." Exchange drunk texts with your sister here and there.

8. Enjoy the rest of the pasta later in the weekend...maybe with a little pesto. There is no easier lunch, you lazy piece of crap.

Just don't lock yourself out of the house while your water boils. ;)

Happy Friday Night Pasta Night, dear bleaders! Let's all raise our glasses to an evening in.