Understanding kittens--
Even though I'm not proud to admit it, there was a time when I was embarrassed by the lack of formal education in my family. God, it sounds like such a dick thing to say now and I hate it that I ever felt that way, but there it is.
My grandparents--MeMa and PaPa--were clean, honest, and kind. If there are any other qualifications to define a lady and a gentleman, then I'd like to know what they are. Gentility certainly doesn't take money or a blue-blooded lineage, even if monied blue-bloods insist that it does.
And just as money is not a prerequisite for gentility, neither is a formal education essential for knowledge. This lesson also took me a while to learn. Surrounded by a gazillion college degrees who peppered their speech, signature blocks, and PowerPoints with quotations from "great people," I slowly realized that my grandparents had always said the same stuff, minus the pretention.
So. That said, and in honor of my (departed) granddad's birthday, here's a smattering of old folks' wisdom for you. (Also, my granddad talked remarkably like Billy Bob Thornton in Sling Blade, so imagine that voice as you're reading these in order to get the full effect):
If you always do what you always done, you'll always get what you always got. People love to quote Albert Einstein's "insanity is doing the same thing again and again, expecting different results," but I think my granddad kicks Einstein's ass.
Piss up a rope. Used when people is really bugging you and you just want them to go away. "I know there are Jehovah's Witnesses at the door, and I don't want to be rude, but I've got supper on the stove and I told them I'm not interested. They can go piss up a rope."
Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's raining. Life comes with its share of polite little lies, but some are blatantly unforgivable. Just come out and say it, or I'm going to call you out as the guy who's pissing on my leg.
Must be under the hood, 'cause it sure ain't in the windshield. Used to describe a situation in which someone who is clearly un-bangable is getting laid, or when someone is being inexplicably cheated on. Like when Sandra Bullock's douchey husband cheated on her with a nasty skank or when Tiger Woods cheated on his wife with a nasty skank or when Hugh Grant cheated on Elizabeth Hurley with a nasty skank. My grandmother would've said this one.
Got more dollars than sense. A phrase my granddad deployed when folks with money blatantly and stupidly made a show of excess.
I declare. Said as three words: I. De. Clare. Means the same thing as "Oh, my," or, "You don't say..." Just polite conversation.
Bless his heart. Doesn't mean much. Just an affectionate acknowledgement. People who say this are so friggen cute and adorable I can barely stand it.
Sugar. Another lovable one--this was code for kisses. My grandmother ALWAYS used this term, whether it was, "Come give me some sugar," or to admonish the dog for licking her face: "No, I don't want your sugar!"
And my favorite...the one I utter a hundred times a day...the one that needs no explanation:
That don't make no sense.
Surely I've missed some. Any of y'all have anything to add?
*************
Monday's a holiday, so I'll see you dearies back here on Tuesday. Same Sweet Tea time, same Sweet Tea channel.
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