Thursday, January 19, 2012

Help An Old Lady Out

My fresh little spring chickens--

Your Sweet Tea is a little old lady at heart. Always has been.

I have old-lady taste in fashion.  When I was a kid, I begged for a pair of sturdy nurse's shoes (What can I say? I saw the nurses wearing them when we visited my grandmother in the hospital and they resonated with me. I've always been sexy like that.):

And I own more cardigans than anyone I know (yes, they are really arranged by color and yes, my closet is pink):

I have old-lady taste in food. Nothing makes my tummy as happy as pineapple upside-down cake. I like to wind down for the evening with a glass of warm milk. I don't understand how food--such as my beloved deviled eggs--could ever be "in" or "out" of style. And I pity the dumb bitch who gets between me and my cuppa Sanka.

I have old-lady taste in men. Do not judge when I tell you that my version of Heaven involves the words "Gene Hackman," "tuxedo," "martini," and "leopard print throw":

I have old-lady taste in decorating. No new-fangled stuff for me. Most everything in my house belonged to some long-dead person before it belonged to me--furniture, dishes, artwork, everything.

This is where you come in, sweet bleaders. I've been seeing these old butterfly pictures at flea markets, estate sales, and junk stores, and they've got my wheels a-turnin', but they're not exactly what I want:

These are a little closer: 

I want one with real butterflies. Like these, but real:

Do you know what I mean? I feel like I've seen a gazillion of these in my lifetime, and now I can't find one to save my life.  I don't know--the prints and the paper butterflies are pretty--maybe I should just go that route? What do you think?

In any case, IF YOU DO happen to come across any cold, lifeless, dusty butterfly carcasses pinned to a piece of cardboard for the sake of art and education, please let me know. I will be happy to reimburse you for the cost of procurement.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to indulge myself with a little warm milk and a Metamucil chaser...

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