Fuckery of the Highest Order

Tethered kittens, poised to attack--

Something's been pissing me off for a long time and--until now--I've just grumbled under my breath at sporting events.

Let me just come out and say it: Unless we're going to require proper US National Anthem etiquette at sporting events, then we need to stop playing our National Anthem at them, with the exception of the Olympics (where the United States is actually officially represented, duh).

It's a shame, really, because this shit could not be easier. It goes like this: When the National Anthem is played/sung...

1. Stand still with your hand over your heart and sing along

OR

2. Stand still with your hand over your heart and shut the fuck up.

I'm pissed at ATHLETES. I'm pissed that they get paid untold millions of dollars to play a child's game to provide entertainment for a living, and they stand there, smacking their gum, scratching their steroid-shrunken testicles balls, and hopping from foot to foot as the national anthem of the country that has made them sickeningly rich is played/performed, as if they can't be bothered to stand their fucking entitled asses still for one goddamn song.

I'm pissed at PERFORMERS. Words fail me to describe the disappointment these douchebags deliver when they fuck up the words to ONE SONG. It's more than one song, dick--it's the National Anthem. And you're going to be singing it in front of a gazillion people--to include a country's worth of elementary school kids who are smarter than you will ever be--so learn it, goddamnit!!! And do NOT get me started on--ugh--vocal stylings. This is not the place, you self-absorbed, ego-maniacal bitches!

Here's a lovely example of both athletes and a shitty performer (who can't afford a mirror, apparently) behaving badly (be sure to note the  "to honor America" part):

And I'm pissed at the FANS. They're as bad as the players most of the time. The worst I've seen are the friggen Orioles fans. They always shout out a big fucking "O!" at the last, "Oh, say does that star-spangled banner yet wave..." It's really caught on here in the DC area, though, and bled into all our professional sports, not just baseball. Infuriating:

And here's the latest. Sorry I'm a day late on this shit, but I can't get it up for sporting events, kids. Please enjoy watching this middle-aged hag in bedazzled Patriots shit screech through fuck up a song you've known since you were five:

I'd just like to say that there's a Sweet Tea bleader who's reading this from the shittiest place on earth, wearing the uniform of the country whose national anthem Steven Tyler just massacred, and something about that just doesn't seem right. There are also people reading this who have worn a uniform in the past, people who have children who wear a uniform, and people who respect the uniform by simply putting their hands over their hearts for our National Anthem, and Steven Tyler and all the other fucks who couldn't give a shit about honor or dignity will never understand.

I'm sure this is about money. It's just another business deal to these dicks. Steven Tyler got paid more for this one-and-a-half minutes of fuckery than I'll ever make in my life, so that's that. Still, what a way to live when every uniform in the armed forces and all the elementary school kids in the country pity you. Congratulations on that gig judging the world's most over-indulged karaoke contest, dick. Way to go, rock star.