Sweet tea, please: RIGID HALF-INCH

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

RIGID HALF-INCH

Nimble kittens--

When it rains, it pours. All these hotties on the Sweet Tea Hottie Radar! You know what I'm talkin' about:

Not to brag, but your humble Sweet Tea has been gettin' more ass than a toilet seat. These hot pieces were running into each other on their way in and out of the Sweet Tea Boudoir, and, well, that just won't do.

It was time, kittens--time to install a revolving door. So a while back, I cancelled all my afternoon engagements and called a trusted associate, Alan, in for help.

When Alan walked in the door, I surveyed his, uh, equipment. As Sweet Tea is former Army and Alan is a former Marine, I jumped at my earliest opportunity to make fun of him for daring to bring in a pair of GOGGLES as eye protection! "What are you? A little girl?" I taunted.

Then Alan started (heh heh) drilling. He took out his RIGID HALF-INCH (yes, that's what it was really called) and got to work.

Under Lucille's fearsome tutelage, he climbed up on the ladder and asked me to hand him the drill thusly: "Sure would be nice if I had a RIGID HALF-INCH right about now."

Because I made fun of him for the goggles, he wasn't wearing them. So--like a little bitch--he totally made a show of all the dust that got in his hair and eyes:

Turns out--shocker--his RIGID HALF-INCH wasn't quite enough. Off to Lowe's we went:

I also owned Alan's former-Marine ass for a second time that day, when, upon seeing this life-sized cutout...

...I said: "You want sympathy?" And then I paused, giving him a chance to finish, and...HE MISSED IT! You know what the next line is, right Sweet Tea bleaders?

"It's in the dictionary between shit and syphillis!"

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NOTE: It's possible that, instead of installing a revolving door to my bedroom, Alan was just hanging a light and moving some furniture for me...