Is It Friday Yet?

Exhausted little petunias--

Can someone please tell me why short weeks are harder than regular weeks? It doesn't seem right somehow. We had Monday off, so why do I feel as beaten as an Iraqi prisoner of war?

Anyway. Time to think of the weekend. Stuff to do:

Celebrate Elvis' birfday (Sunday, 8 January). Elvis was my first crush (so you know the answer to "Would you hit it?"...smartass) Have a grilled peanut butter and banana sandwich or something.

Scan the internet for headlines that need no story to follow. Here are a couple (coincidentally, both on male genitalia--total shocker) I encountered this week:

"Soccer Player Suffers Split Scrotum During Game"

and

"Man With 100-Pound Genitals Raising $1M for Operation"

I'll be spending my weekend embroidering these onto pillows so I can submit the pictures to Fuck Yeah Embroidery.

Bake cookies for someone you love. Get sex in return. Everybody plays, everybody wins. (Or bake them for yourself and masturbate. Sheesh. Do I have to figure out everything for you???) 

Write a Sweet Tea guest post. One of y'all wrote me to say thanks for the effort, but "today's post didn't really entertain me." Another one of you texted me to say that there was a grammar/punctuation/spelling error in a post. Jesus H! Take it easy. Guess I assumed everyone knew that I just take all the credit while Goose does all the work. Poor little girl can barely read...

...much less type...

But seriously. Y'all are hilarious. Call me, text me, email me with your ideas. I've already talked to some of you and I'd love to have y'all do the work so that I can either take the credit or pass the blame I think a guest post would be awesome.

Have a good weekend, dear bleaders. Back for more on Monday!