Heartbreakers

Frisky little kittens--

My quest to collect more ex-husbands than Elizabeth Taylor continues with an examination of an archetype: the bad boy.

It's no secret that bad boys are irresistible to women. If you hold doors, say, "Ladies first," and wait until you're in private to do things like pick your nose, scratch your balls, and jerk off, well, sir, there's really not much hope for you.

My heart goes out to you, man. You try. You hear some girl--fresh off a break-up from some dirtbag bad boy--talk about how, boo hoo, she just wants someone who'll be nice to her, sniff sniff, someone who'll love her and think of her feelings and cuddle her and watch The Devil Wears Prada with her for the hunredth time.

Next thing you know, bad boy dick calls her up and she's back on his motorcycle before you can say bitches be trippin'.

Boys and girls, I'm tired of living in denial. I'm going to quit wasting my time pretending that I want a sweet, considerate, responsible gentleman. I'm not going to be one of those whiny women. I'm just going to put it out there: I want a bad boy.

But not just any bad boy. Ladies, you can keep your cliched, motorcycle-riding, tatted-up, pierced, authority-snubbing amateurs.

I want a bad boy who walks through the McDonald's drive-thru. Feast your eyes on this hot beast:

I want a bad boy who styles his bangs with reckless abandon. Look at that sexy bitch:

And I want a bad boy who knows he's irresistible. You know you want him. You want him baaaaaaad:

After posing for this pic (a little too eagerly, I might add), this hot piece proceeded to tell the story of his t-shirt TO MY TITS. I swear. He never once made eye contact with me. That's a bad boy right there, kids.

Drive-thru bad boy pic courtesy of Sweet Tea Sis. Thank you!