Milk and Cookies

Hungry little kittens--

We'll get to the cookies, but first, the milk.

Let it be said that if you've never had a mammogram, you haven't really experienced all that modern medicine combined with midieval torture life has to offer.

Poor thing. Here, let me help you approximate. First...we'll need a really heavy piece of machinery...oooh! I know--a GARBAGE TRUCK!

Your friendly garbage truck driver and his crew are total strangers to you, right? Good. Because everyone involved in this needs to have never have met you before, and you're about to let them see your tits, mmmkay?

While you're completely dressed from the waist down (no comfy robe for you!), take off your top and your bra. Move quickly, honey--there's an appointment right after you and there's no time to spare! Tops and bras OFF! Now run out to the garbage truck and announce your arrival to all your new friends.

Stand there in the freezing cold, with nothing but your skirt and heels to keep you warm as your nipples fly in the wind, while while the refuse enginner checks the equipment.



At this point, the garbage guy should manhandle your breasts as roughly as possible, maneuvering just one on the frosty ground just under the tire of his 3-ton mobile trash compactor, telling you to relax and breathe normally, for gawd sakes! Your body will need to be unbelievably contorted, and the manhandler will tell you to look over your shoulder backward and breathe normally.

Now for the fun part. The garbage truck driver should back over your mammaries as slowly as possible, stopping on top of them when the pressure is at its most intense.

He will then run around taking pictures of you.

Flip to the other side. Repeat. *Freezing cold, manhandle, contort, S-Q-U-E-E-Z-E, breathe normally, smile for the camera.*

Once he's done with you, there will be no sappy sentimentality. What did you think this was? This was business, bitch, and I reckon you need to get a move on before ol' girl behind you in line starts gettin' antsy.

Look, I'm kidding. Get the exam. Don't be frightened. The hilarity of it all kept me from being miserable. You will be fine. And, boys--be extra sweet to a pair that's been examined recently.

OH! THE COOKIES! You're in the mood for cookies now! The winner of the very first ever Sweet Tea giveaway is...

by virtue of a random drawing by my colleague William...

ALAN! All three Everyone's entries were awesome, though, and I can't thank y'all enough for playing!

Y'all be good, and get those mammaries checked!