Remember how I invited you dear bleaders to write a guest blog? Well, one of you actually said yes! Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm Sweet Tea welcome to Randall! Take it away, Randall...
Thought I’d start off by augmenting last week’s phrases of time-worn truths (although without the flair of the South or references to urine, I’m afraid):
No good deed goes unpunished. How many times have you tried to take a honey jar off your friend’s nose and not only gotten sticky but stung by a swarm of bees? Sticky but stung…sounds like Sweet Tea's life story ; ) -- and she knows she likes it like that, so don’t let her tell you any different…
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. Clearly a reference to group sex.
You can’t un-ring a bell. Once you've gotten drunk with an ugly girl and seen her naked, that's that. You may as well change your number and move away.
Same goes for words...you can't say, "Nice tots!" to a girl without her going all Lorena Bobbitt on you. Little fella below is a good example of when good vowels go bad…t’ain’t his fault:
Nice guys finish last. Women in heat--such as Sweet Tea--will go to bed with some bad boy they just met, rather than ask a nice, generous friend for a quick pig in a blanket.
Like puttin’ lipstick on a pig…When folks should be spending their time, money, and effort on basic grooming and cleanliness, they waste it on Maybelline and Victoria's secret:
...and at Mike's Pre-Loved Motors:
Take a real close look and you'll see Sweet Tea in the passenger side of that sexy Pinto!
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